umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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