I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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