i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
