Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
