I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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