I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
