bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
