its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
