Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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