They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
