Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
