i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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