She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
