he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
