From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
