census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
