Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize