EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
