did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
