Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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