How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
