Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
