How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
