haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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