we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have already put on my inside pants.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
