At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
