How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
