is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
