Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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