I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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