Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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