Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
