Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
A bitchslap is in order.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
