Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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