my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
