So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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