I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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