mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize