you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
