I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
