don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
