Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
smell my finger.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
