Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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