As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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