hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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