We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
