Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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