people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I will pee on everything he values.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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