What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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