First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
