what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
