ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
