ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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