I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
