How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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