Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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