She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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