I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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