i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
