My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
