you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
