I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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